He told me, jokingly, that maybe his going to Frankfurt in May is rezeki kahwin kot, Mai. It’s strange that I do not get called Mai these days at least year. There are different pronunciations for different people; Maisara, Meesarah, Sarah, Myzara, Maisra. But I am used to this, anyhow. F calls me Mai in the public sphere, but Sarah in the private sphere.
He has a job now, which covers the span of the entire evening, involving washing dishes or learning to cook Pakistani food, I do not really know. Navigating life is not easy here, one has to make do with what one has. I am left then, with the entire night alone, which is even alone than being alone. Absence, when expected, is harder than a total period of living alone.
Some days I go to Nata’s place to either bother her with her latest baking attempt (yesterday was some cheese pastry) and a cup of coffee, then I would text E just to see what he is up to (“the sex market in Europe is fucking expensive”), or just walk along the streets grocery shopping bumping into familiar figures you always see on the bus or on the sidewalk.
It’s funny how the classmates falls into their own little tribes, the Indians/Pakistani/Nepal alliance, the Latin Americans with their partying kind, and the rest on the sidelines, neither here nor there. At least culturally. But I have always been sensitive with these little pakatans – I am glad I do not have obligations to participate, but at the same time, I am a little bit sad that I am not cut out for them.
F says to me that I just don’t care too much about people, which is true to some extent, but I would like to think not everyone needs too much love and attention all the time, right? But all the same, I love the few friends that I have, and enjoy our long conversation, whenever they happen, if they happen.
perkaraperkara 