Countdown

Hello, blog I never thought I would open again.

3 months down the road, and I have 79 days before I leave for Germany. That is less than three months, a little more than two, and I am scared.

This year has been odd for me. I spent the first 1/3 being miserable and anxious as hell. 2/3 being hopeful and starting a new translation gig, and then, the rest of 1/3 left to do what it is that I need to settle.

Financial wise, my money has been on the low side. But I managed to buy quite a lot of new things, a house included, the deposit for my rental in Germany, a bicycle that I rarely use, and Mac notebook. All tools to make me more adult than I should, but then, I lack most things to actually care. But I have still quite a bit to spend, but need to save that for Germany funds, emergency funds, and whatever debt I have with Mara. To clear the old for the new.

Marriage wise, F has been great with me. I’m not sure if he is happy with himself, but I try to help him in ways that I can. Do I give enough emotional support as I should? Is he lazy or simply unambitious to actually move and crave for more things? I don’t know. I don’t think most people are anyway. But we all try, and I wish that he would remove that pessimism and low opinion of other people he has of others enough to actually make him happy. Grumpiness is a bad thing in this household of ours, but he does not realize it. But I remain happy and unperturbed so far.

Friends, hmmm. I don’t know. I have an anxious feel about these sort of relationships. Mostly because I do not know how to ever acknowledge that I need close friends in my life, and actually show appreciation to them.

I have not been reading at all this year.