just a list of possible things maisarah can be, given the present condition,
- slacker
- electrical engineer
- power analyst
- consultant/manager/corporate shit
- energy enthusiast
- nikola tesla
- developer/planner
- master environment
- researcher…. energy related
in contrast to things you ever wanted to be, dead, buried, forgotten, or have lost passion of, without giving further explanation that would make you sit in the shower for hours…
- archaeologist
- astronomer
- physicist/mathematician
- geographer
- historian
- philosopher, sociologist, or… idea enthusiast
- town planner
- scientist
- shitty writer
- psychiatrist
- psychologist
- education enthusiast
- nothing
- bookstore owner
i think i never liked the idea of studying english, or those wordy things. i’ve been, for most of my life, first, an analyst, an observer of life and the systems surrounding it. not particularly objective, but one that is observable and can be linked to society. one that is based on facts, or ideas that can be expanded, expounded and furthered by thought.
the idea of aesthetics, or what is beautiful- the arts, have never really appealed to me, for i do not really sea the usefulness of it. of course, that doesn’t mean that i am entirely ignorant of the idea of beauty, i can surely appreciate landscapes, that is described as the awe in horror. also, since i have been reading a lot of literature, and bits of philosophy, the thing that concerns me is not the idea of rapture that is captured by Rumi, but rather one of unity and quite simply, ketenangan, or the ease of the heart that is not throbbed by the quest for meaning.
and that, i think, is the main difference between the way i function, that is driven by rational truth, one that seeks the absolute in order to be free of any qualms, anxiety. OR one that is driven by the desire to drown, to bask in awe, and all that lofty and beautiful notions of God and heaven and salvation.
I want to seek truth.
Others want to be saved by it.
they say Tolstoy is the only writer that manages to balance this difference between thinking and feeling.
and i love literature simply because it allows me, to tap into all these mushy things i wouldn’t have otherwise thought of. i love beauty simply because i can appreciate creativity and how people strive to find meaning in every single gesture and words and actions.
ayat cam keling. kbye nak tido.
perkaraperkara 