refusal

you see, i never give much thought about other people. probably because they never seem to interest me enough or anything . them and their petty affairs to attempt to do things that are somewhat meaningful to society and shit. or perhaps on a smaller scale, them giving a shit about things that would matter to their own social circle, a pathetic attempt to strive and rise to whatever which that they are aiming at.
but then you see, unlike other people, i’ve been pretty much having it easy. given the fact that i am aware that i belong at the right end of the bell curve, i never have to do much to get good grades and such, even though i hardly care about them that much. but i care enough just to get by, because it’s in my best interest to do so. deferred gratification. but that also doesn’t mean anything much to me. nothing matters.
so you see, i never belonged in this world in the first place. every day you’re losing your grip on reality, because everything solid and moving just seems to be very dream-like, unreal, artificial and shit. all i see is a labyrinth of illusions that seems to elude you to believe in something that is not real in the first place, forever guiding you into a heap of mess. and you think you have seen and done something. taking pictures just seems to prove the point some more.
this feet ain’t in the ground no more. it’s a fucked up situation, if you really want to know. i know what i’m supposed to be doing, because i am well aware of things i am capable of, what is expected of me and shit. but the only problem with it, is that i don’t feel like doing it at all. a refusal to participate into some pointless cycle of cause and effect.
a refusal to live.

5 thoughts on “refusal”

  3. Its funny. We seem to get a kick outta it don't me. Being miserable, does have its own attractions. At times. Or maybe that's just me. I only seem to wanna write when I feel like shit.

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