got you jumping through hoops

and it’s already the end. of 2009. well, nearly.

I actually prepared a list of things that happened throughout the year, and the list of movies, books music, and uh, interesting subjects that came up, but I’ll probably just keep them to myself. It’s too tiresome to write about each and every one of them. And I suck at doing reviews.

I remember one day after I went to the public library during the holidays, and I read this particular book that looked interesting in one sitting, where this perverted guy bothered me and asked if I wanted to go downstairs at the car park to talk and stuff (yeah right), and me telling him to fuck off (or something like that). Then I went out and waited my dad to pick me up, which was way too long. I started to write a 2 page review in the cold freezing rain, outside the goddam building (it was closed by then), and wondering if that perverted guy would suddenly show up. Fuck.

But that was years ago.

And those “years ago” I was waiting for the time when I would turn eighteen. Because I have actually planned to do this particular thing. But when I did execute it, it turns out the odds are still against me, and the risks have gone higher. So I stopped halfway.

Being eighteen means carrying your own responsibilities and also means things get much more serious. People won’t even tolerate the awful things you did because you’re supposed to be mature and all that. A loss of innocence if you call it. Everything you do will go down the record, and sooner or later, when your fourty five and going through the prime of your life, someone’s gonna find out and use it against you.

And this is what I hate about being an adult. Or what I will hate when I become one.