buntu

I tried to write again stories. But I forgot how. Damn. Most of the things written are either self-reflections on certain things and rabble. There’s no plot, no eloquence at all I feel ashamed. I need to write more stuff.

“You know what don’t Sara? You suck at writing essays. You don’t know how to describe people, and put those words at the right time, you know? All that “heartbroken and chest-fallen and crimson blood and shadowy pale blue eyes” kinda stuff. You can’t write an essay without describing something in detail, lad. It’s sinful. People don’t get it. You don’t try to make the people figure out things in your essays, boy. It’s confusing. And most of all, Sara dear, you don’t try to go and make nonsensical stuff and suddenly jump to one thing to another without telling people. Or you just don’t stay at one place in a story. People get bored. You get that, old sport?”

“Yes, I do, my conscience. I am deeply sorry for letting you down and fail to put my best I writing superb essays that entertain and fulfill your fine taste. Lately, I have been most aware of the lack of effort and motivation to write beautiful essays, if any. I have yet to attribute this to any factors for certain, but I suspect it highly has to do with the recent events and the untimely homeworks that somewhat, put me off reading new materials, let alone write! The collection of books I have bought throughout the holidays seems to be left untouched, and have become yellowed and dusty, that I must say, has become an ornament rather than a refugee. Tell me, dear conscience, what am I to do?”

“Ah Sarah, you make me ill with all your excuses. Homework, you say? Why, have you seem to have forgotten the time when you used to ignore all of those and rather embrace the comfort of the books you have? Did you not sleep late at nights to read them, instead of scribbling notes like the others did? And you did swell at school. There’s naught to be worried for you, ain’t it? “

“But things have changed. Now, that homework precedes everything. That time you spoke of was when I was sick. Now, I am not as sick as before. I have normalized myself, and thus, my talent to interpret everything and write like a madman has long disappeared. It is lost. I am sorry but I am being more of an idiot now, and my eyes have gone blind, my ears have gone deaf, and my brain becoming dead. Tell me, dear conscience, what am I to do?”

“Ah, Sara, you put me in a dire situation. I cannot see you become like this. Do not falter. You can’t just go around everyone else and conclude “you get sadder, the smarter you get”. You’re becoming of a bore to me and I do not want to lose you to some bastards. Don’t lose hope, okay? You might suck today and tomorrow, and I’ll keep lash out at you and mock you and make you go mad, but you know what, Sara? People don’t suck everyday. You just gotta, you know, have a good night sleep and ignore everyone for a while, or hole up in a goddam room or something, and listen o some good music and you’ll wake up feeling absolutely swell. But swell.”

Written months ago.

But first, I need to read. Perlu dapatkan supply buku-buku baru. Rakan-rakan baru. Yang berpengetahuan. Bukan filem-filem baru. Bukan game-game baru. Shit, otak tak berkembang langsung di sini. I need to stop using the internet for 2 whole weeks and see how it goes. Reliance on such technological things causes my mind to go astray.

Aku mahu compile list-list buku perlu baca untuk dipesan di Kinokuniya. Siapa mahu cadangkan? Tak kisah Bahasa Melayu atau Bahasa Inggeris. Seriously. I need new books.