salinger – perkaraperkara

internal disputes

oftentimes certain thoughts reach us from time to time that it is impossible for us to escape from what seems to be the greatest test for all mankind, that is, the power of freewill. if greatlyexercised, one may use it to such great lengths and achieve things beyond the norms of society. what one needs is only the will to will, and consciousness to do so.

but also, from time to time, one stops to contemplate on the limitations of free will. sure enough, one may have the power to to will, but one may not, have the necessary tools and strength to express and realize a will. such is how humans are conditioned to be, forever feeble and weak before the power of the absolute.

and so we enter the world of choices, whether to submit, or not to submit, whether to choose a path differently from others, whether to be or not to be, to be good or bad, or to transcend beyond good and evil (heh), or to let ourselves forever be carried away by the masses that continue to elude us into a future that is ultimately bleak and dull. here is where we are given the power to choose. life is, as J said, about the choices that are made, and however cliched that might sounds, it rings true.

torn between choices, fearing what consequences we might face, seeing every path as equally potentially bright as another, we face a dilemma. why not both? like al ghazali said, one must only choose on over another. either a world of worldly knowledge, or that of the afterworld. with so little time on earth, one must not hoard all knowledge, or he becomes a bananafish and dies out of greed, gaining nothing, and giving nothing in return.

so choose i must.

a royal pain in the ass

I have another more paper going tomorrow. Some lousy affair really, because I don’t do too well in it, even though the quizzes and the sort were all ninety something thanks to peniruan dari orang orang yang rajin. Oh well, I’ll start tomorrow. Five chapters altogether, shouldn’t be too much of a burden, except if they start asking definitions and explanation of things, which really is a royal pain in the ass (meh).

Speaking of a royal pain in the ass, I went to this really annoying bookstore last week and saw to my utmost horror stickers of ‘Best for Me’ on the cover of every copy of The Catcher in The Rye available. Supposedly it was voted by some local radio station by the listeners or something. Duh. Ugh. Now everyone’s gonna buy em. I mean, its all so good if people start buying it, it’s just that it’s better if someone you know recommend it to you rather than some radio station or oprah endorsing it for you. Oh well, they’re getting the reprint of the original cover, which ain’t too pretty, so whatever.

And also, apparently, they somehow reduced the price for the Nine Stories, it being 18.90 rather than 32.90 being sold by other bookstores. Probably because the cover ain’t so appealing. But meh, I don’t know. If people do buy it, they probably ain’t gonna get the whole meaning of it. I mean, the book itself is a transition of the way mr jds here from the holden-ish period to a more teddy-ish period, something like a fuck everything else period to a discard everything you know and then only you begin to perceive. Later, he altogether concluded that he hates all this publicity of people getting too kittenish to start interviewing him and bothering him and all and goes into a social recluse till his death last january. But i bet he’d hate it even more if people try to derive things from the stuff he writes, so fuck whatever.

Talking about books is rather… bookish. Meh I should stop. I dreamt of walking/climbing on a road full of cow poop of assorted colours. Which is really … ew. I really need to empty this head before sleeping. It disrupts the natural order of everything.

Do not falter.

apple eaters

ada orang annoying yang guna account youtube aku untuk tengok benda-benda bosan. trailer movie melayu bangang. sial, aku ada browsing history seh. kalau mahu guna computer aku sila cakap. jangan main sneak sahaja. tapi mungkin adik aku sendiri. tapi aku doubt dia suka bukak things like “Ku tunggu jandamu” trailer. wtf. celaka sungguh. adik aku ada taste juga okeh. se-girly mana pun dia.

bilik harus dikemas. terlalu banyak barang di atas katil. banyak buku-buku yang diambil semula dari rumah untunk dibaca semula. hoenstly, aku tak nampak apa point aku bawak balik semua itu. mungkin mahu beri ilusi kerajinan membaca. oh well, aku sudah tampal april reading list yang jelas kelihatan dekat dinding. hope that helps.

aku mahu menulis, as in, betul-betul menulis. i haven’t written a short story for a long-long time, kali terakhir adalah pada tahun lepas untuk commonwealth competition itu, yang dapat “Commended”. Sigh, whatever happened to publishing. Sila beri sokongan. Dreaming will help. CGJung’s The Red Book which was recently published posthumously was a creation purely from dreams/subconcious. The project shall start… soon I guess. I’ll make a link somewhere nanti. Potsie, mari.

I shall explain this only once. Boredom only occurs when you are around people, constrained in a social situation in which you have no control of. Most people, are of course, aren’t that boring, they just have no such individuality or any specific interests that are immediately recognizable that makes one wants to talk to them. You just don’t have the effing time to get to know people that well. Why bother to “get to know” in the first place. You’re just pissing people off, unless they’re feelers. Goddamn feelers, I hate them.

Assume and make hasty conclusions and retreat retreat unto yourself. When alone, one shall not become bored. One can have freedom of thought, go wherever he wills, whenever he wants, and do whatever he wills. But if uncontrolled, precisely this is when needs a reminder, or better, a guide, a friend, to make him stop. Consult, when necessary. Otherwise, run run run into the wilderness.

sekian, terima kasih. To quote from teddy, “I’ve never seen a bunch of apple eaters”, Apples being logic, and whatever metaphors you see fit for this post. Sila baca Nine Stories.