no effing way i’d tell you that

He climbed up the stairs, slowly watching her, hesitating whether to speak or not. When he did though, the words came out like whispers. She hears it, but not loud enough. Whatever it was, it sounded important. But whispers and whispers, and they’d drift away and beaten by the sound of the other things. Things he would never listen anyway. He can’t. He won’t.

But she caught. Between all the noise, she caught what he said, well at least fragments of it, and etched it right away in her memory. He’s speaking to me, she thought. I ought to say something back.

So what she did was she shrugged him off and tell him to stay away. To get the fuck out.

She didn’t have the guts to tell him what she really thought anyway. There was guilt. And then there’s fear. Fear that he’d never accept what she was going to say, even that she knew his response would be, it’s okay. It’s not. Not when it involved his whole principle and belief anyway. She’d rather have him be in the dark, not knowing, what was going on inside her.

She’d rather deflect.

Yeah.

acidulated

This is the first time I stayed up being online during the holidays. Ugh. And I’m bored. So let’s play a game.

1. Here. The name that pops up’ll be your band name

2. Here. The 3rd picture is your album cover

3. Here. The last four words of the last quote’ll be your album name

There you have it.

Yup, forgive me I’m bored and I have nothing to do. Most of the stuff I did during the holidays are irrelevant to talk about. Boring family stuff. Boring famous people. Boring fights. Boring movies. Boring food. Boring shopkeepers who pick up things I dropped. Boring swimming pool with people wearing colourful polka dots full swimsuits . Boring comic books. Boring gossips from the neighborhood. Boring food. Fuck I hate eating at places with service taxes. Fucking expensive.

Anyway, buatlah satu sangat seronok; I only used Paint so it looks lame.

Idea stolen from some thread at some awesome forum.

old sport

This evening, while trying to write something cool for an intro of a story, I look through a few books. Sometimes, at the cover title page, I’d write my name and the date and place I bought the book. Some other times, there are other notes. Like this particular one.

“This book was bought on one of the lovely days of my life”

Quickly I closed the book and gelak kuat-kuat. Lepas tu cakap “Sial”. Did I write that?

Then minutes after, I opened the page back,

“This book was bought on one of the lousy days of my life”

Oh. Salah baca.

*side note; I heard on TV 3 minutes ago that JESS got the Sekolah Harian Terbaik for PMR. That place still has hope, after all. Okay, sayanglah Jalan Empat.

bosan betul

Pinggang aku sakit sejak 2 bulan yang lalu dan aku tak tahu kenapa. Sial. Aku ingat kalau bersenam tiap-tiap hari selama seminggu kesakitan ini akan hilang, tapi aku salah. Ceh. Mungkin sebab hari itu masa raya nenek aku di kampung bersemangat mengurut aku yang separa bongkok ini, dia mungkin tersalah urut. Entahlah.

Atau mungkin sebab aku yang kehilangan sumber lagu asyik duduk berjam-jam depan laptop dalam bilik di atas katil sewaktu di hostel tanpa henti. Demi dengar lagu sahaja bai. Itu sahaja salvation aku ketika itu. Dan bahan bacaan lain.

Cakap pasal lagu, aku sedang mendengar White Lies sekarang. Dan aku tak sukakan mereka. Okay, nama band kau best sebab aku belajar mengenai white lie ketika aku tingkatan satu semasa membaca The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, tapi aku tak suka suara vocalist kamu. Haish. Susah betul nak cari benda baru untuk didengari.

Semalam aku main Maths Magic dengan adik aku yang berusia 5 tahun. Kalau kamu nak tahu, itu game yang aku rasa dicipta tahun 2003-2004. Ada pertandingan dia kat sekolah-sekolah dulu. Sekarang aku tak tau popular lagi atau tak. Tapi aku suka main dan suruh mak aku beli satu. Oh ya, markah dia 1166 manakala markah aku 1498. Benda paling best mengenai Maths Magic adalah kira markah kamu tanpa guna kalkulator. Aku rasa, lah.

Aku sedang tunggu offer letter dari MARA supaya aku dapat tengok berapa banyak allowance aku akan dapat tiap tiap bulan untuk tahun hadapan. Aku harap, aku dapat membeli sebuah ND-S lite(ya, aku tak beli lagi) awal tahun depan.

Cakap mengenai adik, adik aku yang lagi satu akan masuk sekolah agama tahun hadapan. Siapa suruh dia tak dapat 5A untuk UPSR. Tapi aku agak kurang bersetuju dengan keputusan itu. Aku tak rasa yang adik aku cukup hebat nak masuk sekolah agama. Banyak dah rakan-rakan aku yang macam hampeh bila masuk sekolah agama. Kononnya nak kawal perangai. Sudahlah, bila kau masuk universiti nanti sama jadinya. Tapi biarlah ayah aku nak membazir. Tapi aku tetap tak suka idea cita-cita parents yang di-impose terhadap anak-anak kecil. Nasib baik aku rebellious dan bijak.

Tapi ada orang cakap ‘clever ain’t wise’. Mungkin aku salah seorang daripadanya. Mungkin. Kita tengok nanti.

Tamat untuk kali ini.

well it is new year so

Um, I dunno. I mean, I didn’t even know Maal Hijrah was coming so well.. whatever. I’m ain’t even one of those religious dumbo types so I guess I don’t have a say in anything. Then again, like some guy phrased a month ago back at the back of the bus, “Don’t look at who’s saying, but look at what is being said” or something like that. It’s some Hadith or some sort.

But anyway, nothing much has been happening for the past… 3 weeks, so there’s really no point writing things here anymore, at least for the time being. But what actually constitutes of something other than “nothing”? I mean, what is really being posted all this time here? Now I don’t give much thought about what is written here… except maybe in five years or so, I’ll muster up the courage to reread everything here, and give whatever hysterical laughter I have.

God I hate it when I laugh. It’s… ugly.

But whatever. Let’s talk of new year.. since it is a transition of a new year to another new year, there must be something to be done in this period of transition. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll start of a personal project I abandoned some 3 years ago.

Writing using my right hand.

It actually started out of spite to some cheesy bastard because he claims he was an ex-lefty and then his mom made write with the other hand for some uh, certain reasons (the hand of the devil, I presume) when he was little, and then now (then) he can only write a bit using his left hands. And in a way, he became ambidextrous. The claim itself isn’t actually as annoying as the tone of the claim, but well, whatever.

So I guess for a week or two after PMR trials, I kinda started out copying the synopsis of the Last Exile a dozen times using the other hand until it got pretty… pretty. Being satisfied with it being pretty I stopped writing and uh, this morning when I tried again, it was, pretty ugly. You get my point. Practice makes perfect eh.

But then again, what’s the objective of even indulging in this ridiculous idea? It’s not like it’s going to be useful. Maybe, at some unknown point. But meh, people love to do things that ain’t really useful anyway… so it’s justified.

This is lame I better stop.

all too brief

okay one quick entry.

Lately i’ve been lazy to post anything here because I am uh, apparently too lazy, and then oh, I don’t know, I’m just occupied with other stuff I guess. Tomorrow I’m going to bb to hang out and all, and maybe uh buy a few stuff here and there. Then for the weekend I’m going to port dickson, and we’re staying at this lousy hotel that’s got a huge swimming pool, so I can practice swimming…

Okay, what I’m sure to do this week is this; send the computer for repair. Because it’s been in the car boot a week ago and no one wants go to drive there. Need to do this so I can continue playing the Sims 3 as soon as possible. And download a few movies.

Apart from that I finished reading The Prestige by Christopher Priest, The Stranger by Albert Camus, and Hamlet by Shakespeare (finally). So that’s three books in a week…

Then there’s this movie I’ve been wanting to buy; Sylvia I saw at the Alamanda the other day. Hmmm… but that’ll have to wait.

Other than that… well uh, nothing much. I’m still figuring out things that I should in preparation for the future and I’ll tell you people about it. I think I nearly have it all figured out.

Okay goodbye.

Oh yeah tomorrow’s Adila’s birthday. Happy birthday woohoo

something to read

Man is, at one and the same time, a solitary being and a social being. As a solitary being, he attempts to protect his own existence and that of those who are closest to him, to satisfy his personal desires, and to develop his innate abilities. As a social being, he seeks to gain the recognition and affection of his fellow human beings, to share in their pleasures, to comfort them in their sorrows, and to improve their conditions of life. Only the existence of these varied, frequently conflicting, strivings accounts for the special character of a man, and their specific combination determines the extent to which an individual can achieve an inner equilibrium and can contribute to the well-being of society. It is quite possible that the relative strength of these two drives is, in the main, fixed by inheritance. But the personality that finally emerges is largely formed by the environment in which a man happens to find himself during his development, by the structure of the society in which he grows up, by the tradition of that society, and by its appraisal of particular types of behavior. The abstract concept “society” means to the individual human being the sum total of his direct and indirect relations to his contemporaries and to all the people of earlier generations. The individual is able to think, feel, strive, and work by himself; but he depends so much upon society—in his physical, intellectual, and emotional existence—that it is impossible to think of him, or to understand him, outside the framework of society. It is “society” which provides man with food, clothing, a home, the tools of work, language, the forms of thought, and most of the content of thought; his life is made possible through the labor and the accomplishments of the many millions past and present who are all hidden behind the small word “society.”

Albert Einstein, Why Socialism?, 1944.