Category: Uncategorized

lucidity

if you could just look upon the world as one fucking big dream, where everything would be so surreal, like you never really belong there in the first place, more like, forced into it and shut, everything would be a such a breeze.
because you don’t really attach yourself, to anything, to anyone, because having perceived them as ultimately unreal, a certain lucidity, you don’t really have to worry about anything. everything solid, just looks solid, because that was the way you are trained and conditioned with. but if you look real hard, and think real hard, using that intellect of yours, you’d soon find out everything else doesn’t matter much.
entangled much by worldly affairs, you need to detach yourself one by one from it, declaring you couldn’t be bothered much about this anymore. so you throw away all the crap from your room, empty out every single value you have held so dearly, leave every single person you have associated yourself with, because they seemed pale and foolish, even pathetic, in comparison. they cannot, and will not, understand, anything, and if they do, it doesn’t matter.
what you seek is not a companion that is like-minded, or some new subject to be fascinated with, or some author cum philospher that somehow speaks of things you have thought of before, or a place where you can fuck up and be miserable in your own solitude; what you only seek is a peace of mind. a moment of clarity. absolute silence, where there is nothing but an understanding of the nature of things.
but don’t risk losing your sanity, dude.
it’s all or nothing.

sejarah

…bosan betul duduk rumah. padahal baru empat hari.

kerja aku tiap tiap hari adalah mengemaskan bilik yang somehow akan bersepah secara tak disedari. banyak benda sudah berhabuk. ornaments medals presents and stuff on the shelf, misalnya. not that it’s important or anything. tapi, mungkin.

setiap kali aku tengok balik plastik hodoh mrsm yang aku dapat markah sejarah A masa awal tingkatan lima, aku teringat masa nak ambik benda itu sambil disambut senyuman terpaksa seseorang cikgu ini yang pernah panggil aku biadap sebab dia question aku suatu petang yang dingin dan mood aku baik pergi prep petang kenapa aku tak pakai stokin. jadi aku pun point dekat jari kakinya yang berinai itu. bikin panas seh. lantas kena marah on the spot jadi aku berpaling dan beredar pergi sambil kena jerit dari belakang ‘hey tak berkat kamu nanti’ dan dengan selambanya reply dari jauh ‘what-ev’.
damn jahat.
sejak hari itu aku rasa macam satu jabatan pengajian am buat konspirasi against aku. setiap kali masuk there are several eyes prying at once. damn joyah. benda kecil pun nak bising. tapi ini mungkin aku sahaja.
sampai satu masa aku malas pergi semua kelas sebelum rehat, dan masa on the waay terserempak dengan cikgu yang ada kelas pada pagi tu.
-kenapa awak tak datang kelas tadi?
-sakit perut ah cikgu
-dah makan ubat hari ini?
-um… tak payah?
-are you sure? *dengan nada accusing*
what the fuck.

a truth that they can’t see

suddenly, the stuff you used to like doesn’t seem as fun anymore. the books you read don’t seem to fascinating anymore, rather they come off as whiny and pretentious. the music you loved doesn’t seem to have meaning anymore. the places you once went doesn’t seem to excite you that much either. the people you loved don’t seem to be that perfect anymore, they just seem to look annoying and pathetic.

blegh.

everyone gets a star

Aku tak pernah introduce Albert Hammond Jr dekat sini. Jadi mari. Dia guitarist The Strokes yang berambut kembang dan paling berbulu. Lepas The Strokes macam tak bergerak lepas album ketiga, dia buat solo stuff. Setakat ini sudah ada dua album. Suara dia sedap, but his stuff is more jazz-y dan slow. Dan tak draggy macam Julian (draggy is good).

Dan dia seronok.
Juga ini. Sayanglah Albert.

infinite and surreal

References to things that symbolizes what seemed an almost idealistic world that was clouded and shrouded, fascinating in all its supposed mysteries because it never occurred that there exists such alternate worlds beyond that crystal snowball you created around yourself.

Through the looking glass, Alice. Through the looking glass.
But never further.
We are ever so elusive and ever so dispelling, once you smash yourself out you would never figure out where and what and why from before it seemed so different and enchanting and shit.
So stay inside. Point us out, if you like, observe us, but never go further.
Unless, you are, the Alice.

four minute warning

A most amazing cover of No Surprises from Regina Spektor, a song from the most awesome Radiohead’s album Paranoid Android, kalau kamu tak tahu. Also featured in House MD’s pilot episode in the sixth season.
Regina Spektor juga pernah nyanyi dengan The Strokes, lagu Post Modern Girls. Her voice is ghostly haunting in a most beautiful and sadistic way, it makes you weak and ultimately weep. Kinda.
Nota: Sila study sekarang. Dari pagi lagi tak buat apa-apa. Aduh. Tajuk dari lagu radiohead juga, album In Rainbows, CD2. Sila dengar mereka kalau kamu awesome macam saya.
Meh.

a royal pain in the ass

I have another more paper going tomorrow. Some lousy affair really, because I don’t do too well in it, even though the quizzes and the sort were all ninety something thanks to peniruan dari orang orang yang rajin. Oh well, I’ll start tomorrow. Five chapters altogether, shouldn’t be too much of a burden, except if they start asking definitions and explanation of things, which really is a royal pain in the ass (meh).

Speaking of a royal pain in the ass, I went to this really annoying bookstore last week and saw to my utmost horror stickers of ‘Best for Me’ on the cover of every copy of The Catcher in The Rye available. Supposedly it was voted by some local radio station by the listeners or something. Duh. Ugh. Now everyone’s gonna buy em. I mean, its all so good if people start buying it, it’s just that it’s better if someone you know recommend it to you rather than some radio station or oprah endorsing it for you. Oh well, they’re getting the reprint of the original cover, which ain’t too pretty, so whatever.

And also, apparently, they somehow reduced the price for the Nine Stories, it being 18.90 rather than 32.90 being sold by other bookstores. Probably because the cover ain’t so appealing. But meh, I don’t know. If people do buy it, they probably ain’t gonna get the whole meaning of it. I mean, the book itself is a transition of the way mr jds here from the holden-ish period to a more teddy-ish period, something like a fuck everything else period to a discard everything you know and then only you begin to perceive. Later, he altogether concluded that he hates all this publicity of people getting too kittenish to start interviewing him and bothering him and all and goes into a social recluse till his death last january. But i bet he’d hate it even more if people try to derive things from the stuff he writes, so fuck whatever.

Talking about books is rather… bookish. Meh I should stop. I dreamt of walking/climbing on a road full of cow poop of assorted colours. Which is really … ew. I really need to empty this head before sleeping. It disrupts the natural order of everything.

Do not falter.