september comes, and it marks both an ending and new beginnings. i will be 27 in 2-3 days, for one. adulthood (beckons). for one, i look forward to cut off my hair, and sport, say, a more Faye Wong or at least, a super short one. no idols, just to chop and feel better (a superstition that never goes away).
for the first time in my life, i will be this person who has nothing to look forward to. by the end of september, or by X days, i am to do nothing. it feels strange indeed, this transition. but i keep talking about it as if my life depends on it, but it is not like i am working very hard to change this fate of mine. f is here, we shall move to denmark, we will get bicycles, and i will translate or read more books or be more productive.
friends are there, but i always have a strange feeling it is i who shun myself away, not the other way around. i realize this method of never giving yourself away, (not to be confused with dishonesty), but coldness in form and thought, to not be warm, has sort of distanced myself from the rest of my friends. I should say hi more often, ask of their health, but i wonder if this should be a two-way interaction instead of one way. at any rate, i surrender.
i shall devote september then, to online courses, graduating, read all the books that have steadily piling, learning to speak more and access my brain, perhaps really buying a bicycle and cycle my heart out to places and be at peace. dan menulis, tentunya.
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