celebrating raya with a family who has little to say to each other, out of their quiet personality, with only the cat’s bell echoing through the house.
*
Two days before, A lent me Bumi Manusia and one of Milan Kundera. We found out that both of us has a penchant for all things old, from old films to soundtracks, and this brief moment of recognition, di sebalik all the farce and dishonesty mostly on my part, disarms me.
*
since then, my mind has been playing around many scenarios, dialogues and speeches and it is a pleasure, the ability to construct words and conversations and possibilities. Also painful, as most of them requires courage to be uttered.
i realize this has nothing to do with love. I cherish moments and memories so I can blanket myself in them.
*
Bali was like this, walking all by myself along the Kuta Beach, where the waiter keeps talking but was never understood, form all part of performance in which the end result is I am happily at ease and drunk.
*
One only displays certain parts of their lives on the public eyes, but never the most important ones.
*
I wonder how and when it will come. But tomorrow, to Krakatau.
perkaraperkara 