hide-away

  1. jakarta is treating me nicely, with friends and family nearby. a whole room to oneself, with the opportunity to overlook the swimming pool from the window, voices from the kitchen that echo through the walls, each room with their own tenants and stories.
  2. returned to my kos only to go out 30 minutes later. as i wait for the motorcycle to arrive, i bumped into my massueuse / the pijat girl crying on the sofa. her “boyfriend” was apparently leaving her, and i see bags full of perfume and other goods. i give her a hug, exchanged numbers, and left. later on that night, i asked the pak guard what happened, and he says the buley has another pijat girl now.
  3. f and i exchanged emails every 10 days or so, as a way to keep in touch aside for the twice a day phone calls or facetimes. we are both doing okay without each other, i say to everyone, but i guess LDR across countries is still a foreign and sad idea to my immediate friends.
  4. I happen to sometimes hang out with A sometimes, and maybe with Y for dinner (for him) and coffee (for me) at Fakultas Kopi. just to fill in the time, like the fizzes of a soda that eventually stops hissing and tastes stale at the end. empty pleasures.
  5. last i spoke with E he told me to like a german girl’s post for a 3000 euro voucher. he pops up enough in my view with his green jacket and afghani green tea that i miss.
  6. so when i went to hang out with my in-laws to a kurma store in seksyen 18 shah alam, i bought green tea and cardamom, and made myself a pot. it never tastes the same.
  7. i arrive with my room smelling of cigarettes. i never smoked inside, but i imagine one of the cleaners observing my unkept room and scattered clothes and an unopened pack of cigarettes and reading Nata’s postcard with an image of Virgin Mary on the back.
  8. to arrive at deeper conversations and initiate gestures : how does one begin?
  9. i’ve decided that i will love F forever, as long as he continues to love me the same.

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