Refrain

I’m too tired to explain myself, after the commotion last night. Hysterical screams can be heard across the room, echoing through the hallway. Work and lessons I have put away for a while, books remain unread, and sleep I must. The aftermath the next morning, told by Su Jin over breakfast, with all the police and bomba made me wonder, if had I went out, the same thing would occur to me. 

But now, en route back to KL, I shall return and resume life as usual. 

Sometimes I wonder what are the limits of private thoughts that one can hold, that is removed from all that is real. Am I not excused from speaking out of my own accord, without the worry of offending anyone? Must I be nice all the time, careful in the positioning of words, even if I feel what I feel, regardless of whatever others may feel or think differently, at least in this space? 

Am I not allowed to express myself, but to continue to borrow from other’s expressions and writings and pictures and images and people and families? For I am tired, truly tired of being too careful or too careless in trying to adjust to the many people that I see that sometimes I am unsure whether I even say or speak anything out of love or genuine interest. 

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