Album of the night : Wellness, Last Dinosaurs.
Last Dinosaurs reminds me of a special period, Sydney in all its lights and apartments and buses and crowd and crossings and watching live music performed a feet away from you.
All that is gone now, of course. Buried in the far back of my head, folded over by memories of recent happenings.
I have reason to be optimistic now, after receiving an offer to join a program in Cyberjaya for three months. I’m supposed to learn how to do online freelancing, a growing global industry – and I hoped to do some editing or proofreading or translation even. Equipped with more time than ever, with new fresh faces, a spacious office space, no traffic jams, I am thrilled.
I know myself to be a lazy person, but nevertheless capable. (Also, ‘never obsessed’, says Pot.) I was always the person that breezes through things, always giving the minimum effort required for a basic understanding – but no more. But I would like to instil discipline within me, and hopefully, all can be worked out.
I have to say that I am thankful, to have landed upon this at a perfect timing – something semi-flexible, challenges your abilities, interesting enough, growing, guided, and hopefully, pays well. Most importantly, as those DAP democratic socialism brats would say – it provides a safety net.
F is happy for me, but I can sense his growing dissatisfaction with his job situation. It worries me at times, that I am not doing enough to help him out, or that I complain too much of my own misery, that he cannot focus on his own problems.
It is a tiring thing to be this person who is constantly worried of what other people think, who makes decisions based on the demands and needs of others, such that your own self is neglected. One can put up a facade of being okay, blunting misery by the consumption of cheap thrills – a night out with friends, marathoning tv series, a preoccupation with X when it actually no longer excites you that much – but to what end?
Anyway, another week of work to endure.
perkaraperkara 