What I imagine I look right now.
F made me do a list of thing that make me happy. We highlighted all 21/43, saying indeed I am happy for the past few days.
Let today be a glitch in an otherwise ordinary streak of life.
I received the original letter from Germany today. Recycled paper and all, with those german symbols on vowels, signed by the man who interviewed me.
It excites me, actually, to go there. I worry about my inadequacy but will fully utilize myself once I get there. 750 euros a month, heated clothes, Milka chocolate, the Danish border, international class, isolation, nature, the port, the sea. Two years. It’s not exciting London perhaps, where you have events and interesting people, but it’s Europe.
My father says I need to be more excited about life. Excited and grateful. Most importantly, syukur. Grateful that;
- I’ve aced every single exam I had.
- I don’t have debt.
- I studied overseas on a scholarship.
- I have my own room
- I travel quite a lot for free and blessed with opportunities
- I have a cute niece
- I earn good money
- I am not disabled, poor, homeless, sick, hungry, traumatic, abused.
- I got published, twice, perhaps, in print.
- I married F, the one I love and loves me more.
- My mother and father are well
- Blessed with great friends
- I live in Bangi, a nice place to chill when you really think about it.
- I am smart
- I survived depression and idk, suicide, when I was 15. (Even when I always come back at these low points).
Tuhan, ajarkan aku bersabar, bersyukur, dan redha akan ketentuanmu.
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