i went to another job interview last week. the month before it was another oil and gas company, for a position i don’t even want. i just tread from one place to another, trying to place myself in this world.
then i return to the office met with colleagues, who range from those who have worked from six to twenty plus years. we are like a little family, where people seem to come and go from all corners of the earth, appear for a week for some tedious task, then return to the desert for another term.
My little visit to another company has prompted a discussion on why would I want to leave. Is it money, Z asks. No, I said. Perhaps what I seek more is excitement, and challenges. S says I should work in a power plant, but I told him I cannot afford to do that. It does not work for me, to master things in a long term in which I have no interest in. Ustaz said the job market isn’t doing well, so I must consider the future. Some women like stability. M told me I must have an end goal, and then reorient my path towards that.
I was about to tell them I want to open a bookstore (more on this later), but I said to become a policy maker instead, somewhere in the Ministry. Je ne sais pas. I go wherever the wind carries me, but it is a dangerous way to live.
People all around me ponder on what to do with their lives, and I say I am in the same situation – what awaits us after graduation, after this sojourn in Vietnam, what’s next? What to do after a work? Do we go from one thrill to another in order to forget our own misery and worries?
I know not actually, what i want to do. in a heartbeat, i would say to sleep peacefully and not worry. but life is not that, life requires us to act. we sleep precisely because we are unable to act. what’s more important, i require a meaningful act.
I’ve read this morning that happiness lies having certainty and fulfilling that certainty leads to happiness.
F is here, as I struggle to introduce F as F or as the Fiance. The one I intend to (will) marry. He is meaningful, as he acts as the constant in my life; one that accompanies me, one that is there to talk to me, one that can bear me with all my complexities, one who listens to all my ramblings on life. Therefore marrying him is meaningful.
But on marriage itself later
perkaraperkara 