tristesse

My pedal broke when I was speeding just before the Harbour Bridge today. I haven’t rode in a while. Here, I am equipped with a shoddy road bike, whose pedals are barely attached to each other, ahead of the others. The pride before the fall. I feel like a mess. People stopped and I pushed my bike to the volunteers to give it a quick fix. After that it was just a matter of pedaling through. I sang the tunes of He Will Fall from Pete Doherty. I used to adore him. Someone thought it was cool to put on Hujan out load while cycling. So indie. The thrill was over once when I rode past the policemen on bikes and felt the tires almost giving away, all squishing into jelly. But I was fine, I was fine. I mourned on my old bicycle, thought of grave things, of and cycled until the finish line. A was with me.

We waited and listened to some Gypsy Jazz band till some officials came down and gave us certificates. I didn’t feel anything. I saw someone who looked like she was in charge of something introduce herself to one those officials; handbag, sunglasses and a tall head – saying “Saya ni orang orang kecil sahaja”. I remarked this to A, told her I do not want to be ever put in such corny situations, and she told I’m being incredibly chatty today. It was her way of telling me I am being weird. I greeted everyone I knew and spoke most of the time in English. I told her it was because I drank Starbucks yesterday, and gave her the free voucher I got yesterday. The barista was a jolly man, and told me ain’t it great to have a staff so jolly even before the places closes in ten.

I went back to hotel afterwards, and wondered how much the room cost. It was only a five minute walk to the Opera House anyway. Who would pay a thousand ringgit for a night? Those who can afford it. The soap smelled of lemongrass. I had salmon and bagel for breakfast and remembered the days of eating Onigiri in Japan.

We had smoothies after the cycle, and then watched little kids playing at the fountain. Y took a picture in front of the Hard Rock Cafe and told me she wants more than six kids. I told her I wanted three. She just broke up. We parted ways and I missed the train home by a minute and decided to hop on the slow train. It was hot and the tunnel suffocated me.

An hour later, I got off and walked to the walking track into the Royal National Park. The falls was 6.0 km away, but I had half an hour to kill before the next train. So I went in, until I found a clearing. The trees were tall, and I could see a fire from a distance. I headed back through the path and heard the insects. It could’ve been a rattlesnake for all I care. I thought if I was to be bitten, I wouldn’t have been found, because nobody would’ve known where I was. My phone was dead anyway. But of course I didn’t want to exit the world like that. The sun turned orange because of the smoke. We are suffocated anywhere we go.

So I jumped on the next train home.