Tomorrow, my brother is getting engaged. It hadn’t really dawned on me if it was not for my cousin video-calling me on facebook (after so many months of ignoring her) this evening, telling that her mother has just flown from Kota Bharu to KL just to attend the ceremony. Maybe I am just too caught up in my own little world that I seem to not peg these little family events in my head. His birthday I noticed only after seeing the little pink birthday cake on facebook next to his name, and I sent a sort of a wish to him. F does a better job than me, at this. I seem to lack the propensity for birthdays, and instead of thinking of gifts for them, I think of Fernando Pessoa’s (or Alvaro de Campos’s, really) poems on the (in)significance of them.
I read that there are currently five hundred thousands of Japanese over a hundred years old, and the thought of it shudders me. If the age of retirement is sixty five, then what is one to do for the rest of the remaining years? Taking trains and reading at bookshops with their little bookcovers or visit the hundreds of temples and shrines in Kyoto, I suppose. Most of the local tourists there are very old.
Yesterday I had my English exam, and I think I did not do a good job at it. Instead of representing masculinity, I am representing the feminine. I should have practiced, knowing I have not answered any time-constrained 3-page-length essay for almost five years already. But things events disappointments happiness quickly fade as if they never happen, and we shall always feel the need to continually seek moments of happiness wherever it may be.
Of course, of course, I try to fill this void by not doing things I am supposed to do but to stall, to forego, and then forget them. I seek in the negative, and view the opposite as something unattainable, that I admire from a distance but can only do so much as to not approach them.
Do I dare disturb the universe, then?
perkaraperkara 