i feel as if i am in this state of perpetual stupidity, where i am not actually learning anything but lulling myself to the will of others, be it family or friends, to add that i am not even doing a good job at that, which makes it worse.
there is a need for solitude, and whether i can explain it to people or not i don’t know. too many things move. even if not in your direction. i am easily distracted by movement. the stillness of the mind is not achieved, for there is always some mundane chore to be done, even eating for that matter, for then the fear of offending comes into play. one must oblige, comply, even though it takes half of the day.
sometimes i wish i could just disappear for a week and not talk to anyone at all. or not to participate in the world.
is there no way into the mind?
perkaraperkara 