slowly i am putting everything on hold until the time which i know will not come comes up. there’s a lot of price you need to pay for solitude around here. that means, losing your sleep and cutting phone calls which are all insubstantial to say the least, which is all okay easy considering you do need that time for thinking or reading or whatever. stagnant, that’s what i feel at the moment. so the problem is over indulgence in one thing that you forget neglect all the other stuff.

reading 100 Years of Solitude, grand as it sounds, but i’m already disenchanted by it. Surely one must know the limits of magic realism. I suppose in short doses it is okay. Maybe one needs to read it over a span of weeks to actually filter through the bizarre-ness of it all, not considering the overlapping names which confuse you further and further. so stop.

regarding work, i think the learning curve is very slow at the moment, but seeing the different equipment being used and steps on how to maintain them, there is still a lot learned. at least all things are being manifested physically from the papers and formulas you used to study. they take the practical form sans all the calculation. and it’s not all about learning, it’s about listening to the stories told by the workers about seeing his friend literally exploded in front of his eyes because of a flashover, or how removing a dead man’s shoes also meant removing a dead man’s feet. these make you shudder, but also more aware of the things you are dealing with.

i probably need to write more. i am the verge of beginning, but i never do. there’s this need to reconcile with a few fears, obstacles that don’t really exist except in the realm of my own imagination. i remain a poor reluctant sod.

so i go read Fear and Trembling and prepare to go to work for the day.