ensemble

a weekend trip to newcastle. as it is customary of me, being so un-narcissistic, or an too overbearing on memories to keep on repeating the same things for weeks without end, one must begin as swiftly as one terminates, becomes sentiments do die.

reading Rilke’s diary as a young poet on the train, in which he recounts his days as a young artist/student/poet/sojourner/wanderer/whatever written specifically to Lou Andreas Salome. my impression of rilke does not lie exclusively dia di dalam dakapan ibunya (why rest things on solely the past anyway), atau mungkin saya tidak mampu lagi menghabiskan Malte Laude Briggs-nya.

anyway, saya tak rasa saya berminat lagi terhadap Rilke as a person, or specifically his visions towards nature. i find his imagery too strong. maybe i am no artist and i mingle not around blond painters or spend nights walking barefoot through meadows….  mungkin sebab saya tak ambil art history and have never been artistically inclined to paint/draw anything except strange bearded old men with grave eyes.

(requiem for a friend was written FOR Paula Becker)

anyway, bagi saya, sesebuah puisi itu mungkin harus dibaca secara perlahan lahan. engkau tak boleh nak fathom one book of poetry in one go to see the effect. macam Bert yang cakap pada aku minggu lalu yang it took him years (decades?) to understand Blake, and that it is sufficient that i just look at one thing at a time. if one opens ones eyes immediately to everything, mungkin kau akan lemas in confusion. (dan aku tak pandai menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu, i shall admit to this). the laboring over one single line of poetry. (how does one write a haiku anyway)

Tapi, “I thought you hated poetry.”

there is that. mungkin kejap lagi lepas buat tutorial saya nak sambung terjemahkan (baca:belajar maksud) this little play oleh Sartre, sebab saya poyo. slowly saya sedang cuba untuk belajar untuk mencintai semula perkataan perkataan. (sebab vocabulary saya tak berkembang sejak tiga empat tahun yang lalu, nampaknya). been working extra hard on translating stuff, anyway. both arabic and french. german malas sebab well, egh, i have no german kamus at my disposal.