“I’ve always rejected being understood. To be understood is to prostitute oneself. I prefer to be taken seriously for what I’m not, remaining humanly unknown, with naturalness and all due respect”
-Fernando Pessoa.
i just feel like including this, is all. i might just go ahead and buy the book itself. or wait three more weeks and borrow it from the library instead. it can wait.
what affairs do i have left here anymore? i have seen enough of my friends, for meeting people in flesh seems no longer appealing, with the words you manage to transmit across each other over this virtual world, over the phone is far more than what you will speak to each other in person. it is always this case with you and i. the problem is insoluble, says Virginia Woolf. so be it, so be it.
then again, i do still have that star wars poster somewhere in the living room. to think that i borrowed ten dollars for this. it needs to be given, but it has not been mentioned. let it dust. let us not trouble ourselves with the task of carrying one in a crowded train with all the sweaty women. they like to think of themselves guarded in their little department.
always take the left coach when boarding the ktm at the ukm station, and proceed to the right. people, when bound to the left, will always keep left. but let not that be you. chances are, you’ll get yourself a nice seat and a quiet 40 minutes of reading.
in fact, i have no need for any physical representation anymore. one does not need to profess, to extort or to implicate the things you like in exclamation forms. they are useless anyway. we ought to be ashamed, not proud to have given way to such trifle things.
perhaps i have lost the power of expression. i am uninteresting right now. i have marred myself with some exhausting read and now my faculties are slow. but one learns to see. one learns to learn with the slow.
i cannot type anything anymore, everything gets jumbled up in one entry. there is simply no consolation within a single post. one needs to start a fresh, and let that be during the morning. nights are only reserved for simple astronomy lessons during the full moon.
father says he only needs around four to five of sleep everyday. he wakes up before five each morning and does his tahajud and zikr. i sometimes see him do this. says humans need only around three hours of truly deep sleep, one that gives rest, not some mindless daydreaming. one needs only training.
mother says it is always possible not to eat a meal every single day. we were looking at this really corporate guy, contemplating on his stomach. would you like a dad with that stomach. no. of course not. gluttony. the polar bears can survive a summer without eating. muhammad only ate dates and a glass of water when he breaks his fast. well he was very, sederhana. one needs only training.
goodbye.
perkaraperkara 