mutter

she tells me when she closes her eyes all she sees is oceans waterfalls floods mountains earthquakes fires. distorted madness. she doesn’t sleep. her body does not allow it. there’s poison inside of me, she says. if i move a little i might break. i ask her if she’s hallucinating she says no but it all feels awfully real. i tell her, go get herself some sleeping pills she says no that’s not really gonna help. read some books then, i suggested, she says the pain is too unbearable i cannot do anything but lie down and breath and stare at the ceiling and bear it all myself.