unsuccessful assimiliation

Day by day, you go through this world feeling absolutely no relevance with the people around you. Perhaps there is some, a weak one, but you would want to discard those because there is no use trying to reinforce something you have little interest in and make it a large part of your world. Your world consists purely of your own idealistic views, of what you should listen, what you should know, watch, and learn. Other things are tolerated, but only as a matter of fact – used in a casual conversation where you only ask and listen only to make some friendly gesture, where the next time you see them, the same questions will be asked, and you have forgotten about the answers, because you were never listening in the first place.

In this world of yours, you feel this secret need to share with people, but it is only exclusively opened to a select few ; those whom you feel would not only understand of your need, but also understand and enjoy your world. Those who would, in an instant, ask questions out of pure interest in both you and the subject. The moment they express this, you feel evoked and excited to talk; you used hand gestures, you talk in detail, and you expect more questions, because you rarely experience such things.

But what is rare, is rare.

With everyone else, you fail. So what do you do? You sit in your room, reading something, staring at the ceiling, the window, forming random mental images and circumstances inside your head, thinking what to write, what to do the next day, dwell inside you mind searching for what is missing really, ask more questions until you’re tired and fall asleep.

There is no use trying to connect with people where you don’t feel any connections with. Why make new ones? It’s too tiresome and bothersome, and you might even make a wrong one. Might as well stay quiet.